Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I'm not in Israel...What happened?

My then fiance, now husband, was still in the US! Here's part of a note I wrote on Facebook the night before I left Israel, December 30, 2007:

Just tonight it really hit me that I'm leaving in the morning and only G-d knows when I'll be back. I want to thank each and every one of you for your own personal contributions to my wonderful experience here in Bat Ayin. I hope you all know that there's just one reason that I'm leaving ;) and this was a very hard decision. I believe it was the right one, though, much as I'm going to miss Bat Ayin. Please pray for us that we'll return ASAP, or better yet that Mashiach comes before the wedding so we can get married here in Israel and everyone can come.

Why haven't we made aliyah yet? 1. He had a green card and wanted to wait until he could obtain US citizenship. 2. We want to gain more skills so we can contribute to Israel, and we want to come with a solid financial backing. We don't want to be a drain on the country.

I intend to write in this blog from now until we make aliyah, to document both our physical and spiritual journey to Israel, and beyond. Our journey will not finish when we make in to Israel; we will always be growing. I also intend to follow and comment on the collective journey of Israeli society and the Jewish people as a whole, which also does not end no matter how many people make aliyah. That is the main reason I chose to title this blog "The Road That Never Ends."

Another meaning behind this title is to convey the sense of despair that I sometimes feel. I sometimes worry that we will never end up making aliyah. I have no idea if my husband will ever be ready. Moshe Rabeinu himself did not merit to enter the Land of Israel despite his deep desire and heartfelt prayers! Who am I to think that I deserve better than Moshe Rabbeinu? But guess what? I cannot live in despair! I keep praying to G-d constantly to clarify for me the ways in which I can merit moving to Israel. I cannot have the mentality that we will be stuck in galut forever! I must keep going with the surety that wherever I am and whatever I'm doing is another step in our journey to Israel! Where I am is where I'm supposed to be. G-d does not make mistakes. I cannot believe that G-d first put in my heart a deep, strong desire to live in the Promised land but then made it impossible for me forever!

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